The Struggle is Real - things that made me wonder if I have ADHD

While waiting for my formal ADHD evaluation, one of the counselors I saw recommended that I start making a list of things that I experienced that made me believe I have ADHD. I feel a little vulnerable posting the list, but I want to share the things that happened to me in just a few days of tracking - and these are only the things I remembered long enough to put on the list!

Some of the ways my ADHD presents in real life:

• I've never been able to do homework, my whole life - I either don’t do it at all or not until the last minute and then kill myself to get it perfect.

• I am very very frustrated by boredom - for as long as I can remember. My grandmother tells a story about me in kindergarten (5 years old), telling my teacher "If I have to do one more math problem I'll scream". When the teacher told me we had to do more math, I actually did scream.

• Similarly, I cannot stand traffic. I would rather drive longer/farther but be moving than sit in traffic.

• I'm very sensitive to rejection. Irrationally so.
  

• Dopamine - Wellbutrin works. Seroquel only worked immediately after my son was born (a few months maybe), and then only helped me to not yell about silly things or have upsetting intrusive thoughts.
  

• The importance of the task doesn’t let me rank it higher. Sometimes I know something's important and I just can’t get myself to do the thing.

• Testing Centers! It's almost physically painful trying to sit still for a monitored exam. I start skimming/not reading questions if the test takes too long - I can't focus on the individual words after a while.
  

• Where the hell are my headphones? I used them every day and then they randomly decided to stop existing.

• Overspending. I’m not as bad with money as with time, but… it’s not good. It is not at all difficult for me to convince myself that I "need" something.
  

• The god-awful piles of laundry. I can’t get to the putting-clothes-away bit to save my life. Once in a while I get a burst of motivation and fold all the clothes and put them away, and then a few days later the pile is growing again.

• Poor impulse control - with a lot of things, but especially food. Even if I'm not hungry, if something catches my eye it's very hard to decline.
  

• I can’t maintain an exercise routine, even though I know I feel better after exercising.
  

• I will scroll through TikTok for 4 hours to put off doing a 10-minute assignment, and then rush through it *right* before it’s due.

• I can’t write rough drafts. I essentially have either no paper at all or a completed paper.
  

• “I need to do this thing”, but then a Doc asks for something else, so I do that instead, and then it’s hours later… or days, or never, that something triggers a memory of the thing I had been trying to do before getting side-tracked. I need post-its. So many post-its to get through a clinic day.
  

• My train of thought process is similar to above. “I had a thought and I lost it” is a super common phrase for me. Sometimes I can backtrack through my train of thought and figure out what it was, but sometimes it’s gone forever or until something re-triggers the thought.
  

• If I'm reading or watching something I’m engaged in - I can’t process what people are saying to me. Sometimes I get distracted during conversations and can physically hear people talking, but don’t process what’s being said.
  

• But I also physically can’t read a textbook. I sit down to read, with my 30-second-per-page reading speed, and my stupid brain wanders and I have to keep re-reading the same paragraph because I was thinking about something else and didn’t absorb it. A 15-20 page chapter can easily take me 2 hours.
  

• I say “What?” or “Huh?” a lot and about 1 second later, before the person can even repeat themselves, what they’ve said processes and I can answer (this is even if I’m making eye contact and actually focused on the person).
  

• I count in my head before answering questions in class - I know I talk too much in classes, and I’ve developed the counting technique so I don’t overrun everyone else in a discussion.

• By the time I start the car I can't remember whether or not there’s a curb in front of me, so I have to open the door to be sure if I can pull forward in the parking lot or not.

• I've been in 2 auto accidents where I got distracted looking at construction.
  

• It takes active thought and effort to sit still. Daily I catch myself tapping my feet, tapping/drumming pens, bouncing my leg.....

• I frequently try to leave the house without my car keys. Or whatever else. I forgot a textbook for Pharmacology 4 out of 4 classes in March.

• I have songs in my head all the time. Any word or phrase can trigger a song, and then I play the same 2-8 lines over and over until something triggers another song.
  

• Apparently, I sometimes sound snappy or upset because I talk fast? Or so I've been told.
  

• I am SO time blind. I am Mr. Incredible - “I’ve still got time!” And then I’m late for something important. I have no idea how long anything takes or what I have time for. I am ALWAYS LATE and I always overestimate my ability to get things done.

• Delayed sleep cycle - despite years of working morning jobs, my body's natural sleep schedule is 2 am to 10 am.
  

• This list - for everything I remembered to add I thought of several and intended to add them, only to forget before I can. Sometimes I can remember having something to add but not what it was.
  

• Cleaning my room, found an old journal, an 2 hours later the room isn’t clean but I read the journal!
  

• I talk waaaay too much if you get me talking, and I have a tendency to give too much or too personal information.

• When I sit down to do homework, it takes an hour to get myself set up and ready to do a 15-minute assignment. First I have to organize my pens, check my planner, check my email, feed my Neopets, find exactly the right background noise... or whatever else presents itself to delay the actual work.

• Husband - “I told you this right?”. Me - “Probably, but I have no memory of it so tell me again.”

• Cooking and read the instructions for something I’ve cooked a hundred times. Throw away the box. Then go dig the box out of the trash because I can’t remember how long/what temp to cook HAMBURGER HELPER at.
  

• And lastly - I’m definitely editing and posting this blog… to avoid doing my actual work.

Feel free to add any of your own in the comments!